I’m an ordinary suburban Mom, with an ordinary suburban life. I have three kids, a husband, a dog and a fish. Whenever people ask me what I want, whenever they’ve ever asked me what I want throughout my whole life, the answer has always been the same: peace. And maybe strength. But always peace.
This life I have now, I created it kicking and screaming, molding it out of a roller coaster ride of life experiences. I have been a single mother, a cancer caregiver, a teacher, a Catholic convert, an employee of a rock star, and “the other woman”, just to name a few of my former lives. I have had great happiness and great sorrow. I have had dreams come true and dreams dashed. Along the way, I’ve made some amazing friends that have held my hand through it all.
I’ve often wallowed in regret for some of the choices I’ve made, but the truth is, every single one of those choices has brought me to the place where I am today. Where I am today is good; if you could have told my seventeen year old self that this place is where I would have ended up, I would have laughed in your face.
I started waking up a few years ago wondering, “How did I get here?” As my 40th birthday approached, I decided it was time to find out. This blog is my journey back, chronologically, through my life. As I examine each event, digging back through the cobwebs to try and place myself back in those far away days, I have discovered some things.
I found that sometimes the story of your life isn’t exactly what you thought. Sometimes things that happened back then that seemed nonsensical now make total sense. They say that hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps that is true. But for me, the one thing that hindsight has given me is the thing I have always wanted: peace. There are things that I now understand that I have spent my whole life being mystified by. These moments of clarity are liberating.
I’m not saying I don’t have regrets; if anything, going through my stories has brought about even more of them, not less. If I could talk to some of the people who shared their lives with me for a few moments, there is much I would tell them. It is my great sadness that there are some whom I will never have that chance to say I am sorry to. But this story, my story, is my way of throwing that apology out into the universe; maybe somehow, someday, those who need to hear it will understand.
For those who have stumbled upon my humble journey back in time, thanks for visiting.