Meh

I have tried to write several posts in the last several weeks here and each time, I just come up blank.  It’s not that I’m in a funk, or not doing anything interesting or anything like that.  It just doesn’t seem like I have much to say about any of it.

Meh.  Who cares about this stuff.

I’ve been working on a local 5K here in town.  Truth be told, I’m running the damn thing this year.  It’s a 20 year race that used to be run by a chiropractor here in town who is an avid runner, along with one of our police officers.  Originally the money raised went to our local DARE program and the Jaycees.  But then our DARE program disbanded and the people running the race got kind of tired of putting it all together.  Enter me and my fresh face last year, trying to raise money for our schools.  Long story short, I got the unpaid gig.  I’ve spent probably 15 hours a week for the last six weeks working on the thing, and it promises only to take more and more of my time until the race happens in June.  On the one hand, I’m super excited and proud of the work I’m doing.  But on the other, I’m pretty much doing it single handedly and that’s never fun.

Meh.

My son’s wedding is getting closer, and I’ve been putting together the rehearsal dinner and shopping for dresses.  It is all very mother of the groom stuff to do.  The dress thing was insane.  My choices were either sexy teenager prom dress or dowager sixty year old beaded top and loose skirt with too many sequins to distract from the wrinkles of the person wearing it.  It was all just depressing.  I’m 42.  I get that I’m a young mother, and certainly everything about putting this thing together has reminded me of that every step of the way.  Not in a really great way, I might add.  More in the “yep, we’re all very aware you had this one under less than ideal circumstances” kind of way.

Meh.

I’m working on my freelance web stuff fairly steadily, which is good.  It’s just enough work and income to make me feel like I’m not some slob sitting on my sofa watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns because there’s nothing else to do.  Except when the freelancing grids to a screeching halt, as it has for the last several weeks.  I’m chasing, chasing these clients trying to get them to respond to questions, offer up opinions, meet with me so I can finish their sites and of course, collect my paycheck.  I hate that part of freelancing.  You’re either on the client’s radar 24/7 and you find yourself working at 10am on a Sunday morning because they had an idea that had to be addressed Right. This. Second. or you’re the last thing on their to do list and you’re like an afterthought after all the other Very Important Things get done.

Meh.

My husband has been traveling for three weeks now.  Normally not a huge thing, but after the first week he came home and threw out another possible job transfer, this one potentially overseas.  I don’t put a lot of credibility to it because it has happened so, so many times before and hardly ever pans out (especially since we moved to CT).  Still, the idea introduced just enough tension into my thought patterns of next week, next month, next year.  Will we be here?  Can we count on that?   Can I start making plans for the fall or next winter?

Meh.

Only I could take these things in my life, all good things, and be so blase.  I’m working on an important community event and doing a good job, my son is getting married, my husband’s job is going well and so is mine.  Maybe it’s this interminable winter and it’s long, grey, snow filled days.  Maybe some sunshine and warmth would help me shake the meh.

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