Hey Jealousy

“What did you think?” I asked my photographer friend on the phone about our Rockford trip.  We’d been home two days and I was still basking in the glow of a job well done and a party well enjoyed.

“You know, I think that the new people in Rick’s camp were all pretty impressed by the luncheon.  I saw the new manager listening as you answered the reporters’ questions for Rick, and he was nodding and smiling.  He looked really impressed with you.”

I gasped, a little.  “Really?” I squealed.  But I was glad to hear confirmation of what I had thought as well. I’d had several conversations with the new manager, both during the luncheon and again backstage after the show, and I had felt like we’d had a good first impression with each other.

“Oh definitely.  And the amount of attention you got during the show was insane.”

“Oh stop.  He was coming over to you because he knew you’d be snapping all of those amazing photos.”

Renata laughed out loud.  “Seriously?  It wasn’t me he kissed on the forehead at the end of the show.”

That was true.  I had been standing in the front row, off to the right hand side during Rick’s performance.  I’d loved the show because it was very polished, very rehearsed; some of his live shows felt like he wasn’t trying as hard.  And at the end, he’d come over to where we were standing, and placed a sweaty kiss on my hairline, right there in front of the cameras and everyone.  It had been one of my favorite moments since I’d started working for him, hands down. In that moment, I felt sure it was the vote of confidence towards me, that I would be a part of the time during this time of transition in his camp.  “You’re funny,” I said, not wanting to discuss it further.  “Still, though, there’s something that has felt a little off since Rockford.  Not with Rick,” I added quickly.

“Let me guess.  You mean with the new web guy, right?”

“You felt it too?”

“Oh definitely. I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since.  And unfortunately, the only thing that I can come up with is that now that he’s seen the power of the fans, he’s a little more concerned about his position.”

My heart sank, a little.  It didn’t make any sense, but it was exactly what I had been thinking too.

She continued.  “I think that before he wasn’t too concerned about his new job and all that, but after seeing what you did with all of the fans?  You’re definitely not fading off into the sunset.”

I sighed.  It wasn’t good that she was picking up on it too.  The new web guy hadn’t come to the luncheon even though I’d made a point of extending an invitation to him.  And when I finally did get to introduce myself at the soundcheck afterwards, after months of friendly banter about the website I used to work on, he was aloof and cold. By the end of the night, in the small dressing room area where Rick was greeting fans, it felt as if he was almost trying to avoid me.  But I also knew that I was hypersensitive about the whole situation, so I had talked myself into believing that it was all in my head.

“Well, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.  I have my hands way too full at home to ever be able to work on the site again.  All I did was exactly what everyone keeps saying my new job is; fan liaison.  I marketed this event to the fans and created an add on to make it worth their while to come.”

“Well, we’ll see how it shakes out.  Maybe we’re wrong; it could be that we’re both misreading the signs the same way; after all, we’re both a lot alike.  I guess for now you should just try to enjoy the good feeling and ignore the possible signs of impending doom.”

“Will do,” I said, already obsessing.

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