Trying to Find Balance On A Weighted Scale

The noise of the slot machines had seemed so loud at first, but now on what seemed like the billionth walkthrough of the MGM Grand, it was fading into the background of the task at hand.

No sooner did my little boy come back with the all clear and I vowed to focus more on the family did Vivian and Kim ramp up the planning of our fan club Vegas Party for Rick’s 53rd birthday.   We had been talking about putting something together for fans around Rick’s birthday with Elizabeth before she’d left our team, but after she left, Vivian seemed to almost want to prove to both Elizabeth and the rest of the fan base that she was the person who could bring the fans what they really wanted.  And of course, what they really wanted was anything at all to do with Rick.

Vivian secured a luncheon room, I created an online purchase portal, Kim created logos and merchandise for the event.  I set up several different fan events and of course all fans were able to get special fan club seating at the EFX Alive shows happening during the three day window we’d set up for the RLS Birthday Bash Weekend.   We delegated the tasks, had Kim’s amazing decorations all shipped to our reserved rooms in Vegas and just a few weeks later, we all descended on Las Vegas to make it all a reality.

It seemed to surreal to me.  Here I was, one minute pumping breast milk in the bathroom so that I could continue to nurse my now eight month old baby when I returned, the next minute I was telling MGM grand employees where to set up our shipped boxes so we could spend the morning decorating the room for our 1pm luncheon.  I still couldn’t quite grasp it, and I wasn’t enjoying any of it.  All of our biggest critics had bought tickets to our luncheon, and if we weren’t able to deliver a fabulous afternoon full of fun and Rick Springfield, then we were all going to be ridiculed until the end of time.

I hated that I hadn’t lost the baby weight, hated that I was leaking milk everywhere, hated that I hadn’t been able to get to Vegas as soon as the other women, hated that people who had been talking so critically about us were going to have a fun afternoon due to our efforts.  I didn’t want to be missing all of this, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to be here amongst all of these people either.  When the online world drove me nuts, I simply closed my computer and played with my babies.  Here, the online world was the real world, and all of the nameless people who sent out nasty words into the void of the Internet were real people who smiled lipstick painted fake smiles at me.  I couldn’t reconcile it.

“Well, here we are,” I said as we entered the vast conference room set up for us.

I looked around.  The staff had hung Kim’s amazing poster behind the podium, with her logo (an amazing caricature of Rick in one of his EFX costumes) proudly setting the scene.  Boxes of balloons and a helium tank were in the corner; two of our friends were already there, blowing the balloons up and attaching curly ribbons to them.  They too sported our logo, and looked fantastic.

Tables lined the back of the room; one for the inevitable presents that we knew people would bring for Rick’s birthday, despite our requests.  On it already was a huge replica of a check in the amount of the donations we’d collected for his favorite charity.  The other table was ready for the photo exchange I’d set up, complete with two albums ready to go that we would auction off during the luncheon to add to the total of our charity donation.

Everything looked amazing.  Vivian looked at the two of us and smiled.  “Can you believe just the three of us did this?” she smiled.  We both nodded, still quietly amazed ourselves.

Hours later, when hundreds of fans were snapping photos of the three of us with Rick Springfield up on the podium, I could feel myself trying to absorb the moment, trying to really understand and relish the situation as it was happening.  As he hugged the three of us tightly to him for the photos, it was clear that the luncheon was a smashing success.

But somehow, even in that moment, I still wasn’t completely happy.  I knew that while this moment felt great, and wonderful, it would be over soon.  And when it was over, I knew that my tension, my frustration, my hollow feeling inside would all be waiting for me.

I had to figure out how to find the balance that was eluding me.

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