Even More Waiting

I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be able to do this.

Today was R’s first official day at work in Cincinnati.  It was also my daughter’s one month birthday.  How much had changed in just thirty one short days.  R was going to work for several weeks while I stayed back and hoped the house sold quickly; if it did, we’d join him out in Ohio.  He was living in a hotel not far from his office there.  Otherwise, since we still weren’t sure when we could move into a house, we’d stay put.

At first I thought it wouldn’t be that bad.  My girlie was an easy baby who was already sleeping for decent stretches of three and four hours solid at night.  She was easy and agreeable during the days; a reliable napper.  But as the days wore on and the tasks accumulated around me, with no one to help, the tiredness and the tension mounted.  There was no one to leave her with while I just ran out to the grocery store; I had to time my trips for just after a nursing session so she would be satiated.  If something happened with Z at school, I had to pack her and all of her gear up instead of just running out of the house.  And while he did one of his afterschool activities, I lugged her around in her carrier.

Which honestly might not have been too bad if that had been all.  But now the house was on the market, and had to be ready to show at all times.  Which meant instead of resting and recuperating during her naps, I was keeping the floor vacuumed, the laundry in drawers, the kitchen spotless.  And if the realtor called wanting to show the house, I had to take me, the girlie and our two dogs out somewhere for an hour or two while she showed off all of my handiwork.

And if that wasn’t all enough to keep me wishing I could have some extra caffeine without spiking my daughter’s food supply, there was the endless round of updating, tweaking, email answering and web work that was coming out of the Rick Springfield work I was doing.  I’d recently set up a new chat room for the fans, and was working on cajoling Rick into hosting a live chat with the fans soon.  He seemed amenable, since he was getting ready to kick off another round of spring and summer tour dates; but I had to be sure everything would work perfectly before we could go ahead with it.

Everything felt like it was spinning, quickly, all of the time, and I wasn’t enjoying any of it.  R was gone in Ohio, so most of my days were spent with just me, and the kids and the dogs.  I just wanted to lean on another adult for a minute, an hour, and not feel like it was all up to me.  But there was no one else, not right now.  I wanted to look forward to and embrace all of the positives going on around me, but I felt like we were in an odd sort of limbo, while we (again) waited for the rest of our lives to begin.  I was tired, lonely and just yearning for the chance to have an hour without any responsibilities.

I hoped the house would sell quickly and we could just get on with the new chapter of our lives as soon as possible.

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One Response

  1. While I don’t have a new baby, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to lean on another adult and not feel it is all up to you. That is what I have been going through, fighting this legal battle and keeping the “home fires buring”. I need my husband here for me to lean on, just to snuggle up against at night. The keyboard is a very poor substitute.

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