My Little Valentine

2-14-89

A Special Love, by Joe C.

When I lose my way
Don’t know where to go
All I need is to think of her
And know
That we’ll always have
Our special love
Days may last forever
But with you they all seem short
As days go by
She’s by my side
My only wish is
There she’ll stay
When I’m feeling blue
Nowhere I can go
All I need is to feel her warming touch
All the memories
We have to create
Are both hers and mine
I know those are the greatest
Kind

Looking back on this poem Joe wrote for me that Valentine’s Day, more than a month into the knowledge of our pregnancy, I should have been reassured.  Reading those lines today, I see a man is affirming is love for a woman, and that his only fear is that she will reject him. And I cry because that is not what I saw in those lines back then.

I didn’t take him at the calm, reassuring words that he shared with me in a handmade card with a freehand rose drawn on the front of it.  It, along with the tiny pink bear that held a heart stating, “This Bears My Love”, were quickly dismissed by me.   When I think back on it, I am shocked at my own behavior.

Put simply, I was upset that the poem made absolutely no reference to our baby other than the vague reference to “memories we have to create”.   I was so fearful that Joe wasn’t going to be there for us, so pushy in my need for him to make plans in the future with me as evidence that he’d be there for us, that I forgot to embrace the beauty and love that started the whole thing.

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