I Got Nothin’

I swear to God, today, I got nothing.  I really am not seeing any cohesiveness into this whole exercise.  It’s hard to follow, it’s disjointed, and its egotistical.  Nobody gives a crap about the sad sack stories I’ve got from my past.  No one in my current world of suburban, cash strapped, freaked out mamadom would have any clue that this blog is about me in my life if they came across on it in some random Google Search.

I’ve spent a month recounting memories from age six to about age 13, and I’m bored with myself.  There’s tons more to come, of course, like an upcoming death in Grand Rapids, my attempts to give myself anorexia (complete with ipecac because I couldn’t make myself gag), my rampant crush on Rick Springfield, my brother’s second institutionalization (in a far less cozy accomodation run by the state), and horrible times at family therapy that pulled our family further apart rather than brought us closer together.  I’ve got a nice little story about the very last time I shoplifted, having attempted to fill my winter coat on a warmish November day, and hearing sirens behind me. And let’s not even talk about the crap that happened AFTER I went to high school and college and beyond that.  There’s tons.  Tons.

There’s tons more to say, but no motivation in me left to say it.  Is anyone actually reading this mindless crap?


3 Responses

  1. YES! Someone is reading your blog and it is not mindless crap!

    Actually I really been enjoying your blog. I think that you are about the same age as me and while we had very different childhoods, I can relate to a lot of what you have to say.

    So keep up the good work, and please don’t give up on your blog.

  2. Thank you for the vote of confidence. Obviously I needed that on that day. 🙂 MFL

  3. I’m reading! I just found all of this today because of a Rick Springfield Google search. I too am 40 and I am finding lots of things to relate to in your story. I have read from the beginning to here today and if it were a book I would say I can’t put it down. Honestly, I think you can turn this into a book and get it published. Thanks for sharing!

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