Squish

I had my first mammogram this morning.   And while they are routine and inconsequential, it had a sobering effect on me. First the paperwork:  “Age of first full term pregnancy:  18″.  “Last date of breastfeeding:  6/2002.”   I’m not going for a mammogram because I’m sick, or anyone is worried.  I’m going because that’s what you [...]

No More Waiting

I spent this morning looking for therapists.  Well, doing work on a freelance web design job that came up quickly and needs to be done quickly, and looking for therapists. It kind of feels good to be honest about it, frankly.  I think I spend a lot of time projecting to the world what I [...]

Struggling

It’s not been an easy time in my head the last week. After I wrote the previous post here, I stayed up most of the night feeling very alone.  Very despondent.  Wanting things to be different, but not knowing at all how to make them so. As the hours wore on, the darkness kept encroaching [...]

Sticks and Stones

“You like to be angry.  You do it with me, you do it with other people too.” I don’t write a lot about my husband in this space.  I’ve definitely gone light on the troubles in our marriage.   I have never thought it really was appropriate for me to talk about truly publicly, and only [...]

It’s Still There

I heard from him the other day. Not unsolicited, of course.  No, I’ve hardly ever heard from him out of the blue like that.  Even when I was working for him, emails from Rick Springfield only appeared in my box with the inevitable re: in front of whatever subject title I had been writing about.  [...]

Fifty Shades of Bile

OK, I’ll admit it.  It took me a few weeks, but I finally followed the herd mentality that I know I have, and went out and got the damn thing. You know what I’m talking about right?  That stupid book.  No, not the Hunger Games.  That book is actually well written and worth the praise [...]

There is No Try

I have been wrestling what to do with this body of work here for a while, now. Scratch that.  I know what I want to do with this blog, and have for quite a while now.  I’d like to turn it into a book.  A real one, bound, with pages, maybe with an ebook version.  [...]

What If?

Maybe it’s a mid life crisis. Maybe that’s what it is that is forcing me to be looking back into my past and find resolution, find peace.  I am, after all, in my early forties now, and searching all of the time for where I am going, what I am doing with my life.  Which [...]

The Hardest Thing

On Easter Sunday, my husband and I took our children to Mass, as we do every Sunday.  I wasn’t born Catholic, and I haven’t always been a regular churchgoer even after I became one.  But we love our church here, mostly thanks to the wonderful priests who run the place.   I originally became a Catholic [...]

Haters Gonna Hate

I chuckled looking at the computer screen, nearly choking on my first cup of coffee.  Was that the best they could do? This week our town held its annual budget vote.  In our tiny New England town, the residents have to approve the spending plan each and every year at the polls.  It’s called an [...]